ReSpec Group Support Space Community Agreements

Last updated March 27, 2024

Put away distractions

Please put away phones and close other tabs. Close your door if you can. However, if it feels helpful to your attention and memory to take notes or use fidgets, go ahead.

No crosstalk

On Zoom, talking over each other makes it impossible to understand folks.

So instead, let’s use visual indications if something that someone says really resonates with you. You can put a hand across your chest, or use hand gestures, or visual expressions. There’s also emoji reactions through Zoom.

We’re also going to use the Raise Hand feature; it’s under the Reactions button on the bottom bar. Whenever you want to speak, raise your hand; it will create the same order for everyone, so speak once the person ahead of you is finished.

Use “I” Statements

Speak to your own feelings and experiences. Don’t make assumptions about others or project your opinions onto them unless explicitly asked. Try not to jump in with advice; we may all be at different points in our journey, and we often don’t know someone’s whole story.

No victim blaming

We may feel frustrated, confused, or uncertain about the circumstances in which harm happened or in which the harm we caused was revealed to us. However, the person or people who were harmed never deserved to face that harm, and none of their actions or behaviors make them responsible in any part for what happened to them. During the session, if the conversation ever slides towards slut shaming, victim blaming, or something similar, we’ll call it in and re-align the direction. 

We’re also not here to absolve others of their actions; try not to minimize or excuse the harmful behavior others are describing. Again, we don’t know the whole story or circumstance.

Brave Space

This is a community space where different points on a journey of learning and growing are acknowledged. We want to engage in critical dialogue through conscious questioning and active listening.

While all are expected to make their best effort to be respectful, there is an understanding that someone may say something that results in unintentional offense and hurt feelings for those around. If someone calls you out on something, it’s an invitation to hear it, not an invitation to defend.

Take Care of yourself!

Stay hydrated, take deep breaths when things feel intense, grab a comforting item or snack; these conversations are hard and can be dysregulating. We learn best when our needs are met; discomfort is a natural part of making change in our lives, and self-regulation makes embodying those changes possible.

We want to note here as well that because we have people of different identities in the room, sometimes we ourselves may have been victims of the types of harm that other people may describe causing. While we are not spotlighting the experience of victimhood in this space, we want to acknowledge, honor, and take care of those feelings as they come up.

Time Limits

Be cognizant of time limits or the balance of air time between each of us. If you know you tend to talk a lot, aim for concision; if you tend to be more quiet, aim to express yourself a bit more. 

When the facilitator waves their hands in circles or when the timer app counts down, please acknowledge that you see it and wrap up your thoughts.

Confidentiality and Anonymity

You will be asked to share a first name and to show your face on camera during the video call. This is not meant to embarrass you, but rather to humanize and better connect with each other. 

As a confidential space, we ask everyone to take the call in a private, quiet space, where the call won’t be overheard by others. 

All stories and identifiable details that are shared will stay in the room, and breaches of this confidentiality will face interpersonally determined consequences and require repair. Recording is not allowed.